Why, Oh Why, Garabed?

By Apisoghom Agha

I went to the annual memorial service (hokehankisd) for the benefactor brothers Garabed and Krikor Melkonian, held at the Armenian Church in Nicosia this morning, where a number of people showed up for all sorts of reasons.

It was a nice ceremony with a packed crowd, alas not followed by a hokejash, as the school’s administration is determined to cut down on costs and save as much as possible for themselves to keep when they flee the island and enjoy new jobs promised by the New York hyenas.

First and foremost was the presence of Melkonian students, some of whom are still unsure if this is their last year at this school. When I had a second look at these young boys and girls I realised another tragedy related to this whole ‘problem’ – the absence of Melkonian students will have a serious effect on the following of churchgoers for the Cyprus Prelature, as on many occasions, only the MEI students fill up the seats, beyond the regular patrons aged 80 and older.

Interspersed within the ‘Melkoniantsi’ family were the school’s alumni from all generations, from the recently graduated college-goers to the frail hepta- and octogenarians, who came to pay their respects to the school’s founders, Garabed and his brother.

Then there were the regular faithful, a mix of native Armenian Cypriots and those recently repatriated from Armenia, obviously there because they have some feelings for the Apostolic Church.

Finally we come to the vultures. These are a breed of people who have a benefit from the school’s closure, ranging from salaried employees who are working with Gordon and his goons to shut down the Institute as soon as possible and get their juicy compensation packages, to those ‘myoutenagan’ faithful, who are on Berj and Louise’s payroll and look after the various AGBU enterprises… for a fee, of course.

Those in the first category of vultures were heard whispering, “let’s light a candle to that Garabed fellow. Thanks to him, we have a nice paying job without us really having to work for the money.”

The second-type vulture was overheard as saying, “Why, oh why have you brought this upon us, Garabed. Had we not awakened the Alumni, I would have seen thousands of pounds more come my way, if not the occasional plot of land as commission from the sale of the Melkonian Estate.”

Curse of the day: May the money you get from your dirty dealings to close the Melkonian never be enjoyed by you or your families…

Inshallah!